tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8925959104562250919.post3613458845020030435..comments2023-07-27T23:50:16.933-07:00Comments on Adoption & Foster Care: My Personal Experiences: Continuing Contact with ChristianMaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12151910762502998483noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8925959104562250919.post-62915374471467127012010-10-07T08:50:30.294-07:002010-10-07T08:50:30.294-07:00That's a lot of things to ask. I'm so bad ...That's a lot of things to ask. I'm so bad at answering questions I think I'd fail as a foster parent. :(Jennyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14580910681925560556noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8925959104562250919.post-53989609704128221662010-09-27T08:21:34.762-07:002010-09-27T08:21:34.762-07:00I hope you don't mind but I posted your blog o...I hope you don't mind but I posted your blog on my blog as one of my favorites to read on <br />http://openadoptionmatters.blogspot.com/Karinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17154884929715917363noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8925959104562250919.post-14030442699664961092010-09-24T12:59:58.545-07:002010-09-24T12:59:58.545-07:00What a blessing to have the option of a future vis...What a blessing to have the option of a future visit! I have found that a visit or two has helped with the letting go process (especially once the little one clings to their parent and no longer wants to come to you...reality sets in , as does closure). It's a strange and hard thing to go from primary care giver...to acquaintance. I have never thought about it in the "breakup" way..but i like your comparison. <br /><br /> There are three little boys who I have had absolutely no contact with or word of since I dropped them off at Social Services last year. It breaks my heart to not even know if they are in foster care, been adopted or with a relative. They are still in my thoughts almost daily and will be in my heart forever. I think even an update and a "one year later' picture would be so incredible ...but that doesn't usually happen. What a blessing when it does.Carlahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14317610661817876605noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8925959104562250919.post-35690538697093986982010-09-20T12:00:33.713-07:002010-09-20T12:00:33.713-07:00love your write up! it is such a good feeling to h...love your write up! it is such a good feeling to hear from the birth family, that you did well AND the appreciate you.<br /><br />i think i'd like to see my past foster children, but not sure if i want them to see me...i think i'd be emotional.FootPrintshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01244305923585144422noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8925959104562250919.post-69181022203252746632010-09-20T10:30:08.477-07:002010-09-20T10:30:08.477-07:00We always wait a little bit before having addition...We always wait a little bit before having additional contact too. Mostly for the same reason you stated, to let the kids get used to having a different caretaker before we see them again.<br />But we do always maintain contact when we can. I feel like for us it is a way to smooth out transitional confusion and to reassure the kids that even though there has been lots of change - everyone in the situation still loves and cares for them deeply. We've also found that it can make an immense difference for the new caretaker to have the support of someone who knows the child and knows the situation.<br /><br /> With that said, I totally see where you are coming from too! I don't think there are cut and dried answers when it comes to fostering - each decision is so difficult!Maggiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06860950875210789260noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8925959104562250919.post-19029614268486297512010-09-20T09:52:00.408-07:002010-09-20T09:52:00.408-07:00all i can say is a agree with you AND jendoop.
:)...all i can say is a agree with you AND jendoop.<br /><br />:) thanks for sharing though, it is nice to read about someone else that is going thru the same thing.Leah Wentzelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02675151126965417474noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8925959104562250919.post-47994631222766265172010-09-20T09:36:51.631-07:002010-09-20T09:36:51.631-07:00You never cease to inspire me Mary! What a wonderf...You never cease to inspire me Mary! What a wonderful person you are to care so much for Christian and his well-being. And how wonderful to have an appreciative father!!! My heart aches for your "break-up," especially for your little girl! Perhaps a quick visit could heal hearts like jendoop said? My husband and his entire family still have contact with two foster "aunts."Shinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07248638307776387058noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8925959104562250919.post-53931705168538637582010-09-20T09:19:58.574-07:002010-09-20T09:19:58.574-07:00Thanks for sharing this. Your timing for sharing ...Thanks for sharing this. Your timing for sharing this was just perfect because it is what I needed to hear. I worked as a Nanny for a family for 18 months. I took care of their infant daughter and their infant grandson. Their oldest daughter became pregnant and wanted to parent her child. She had told me that if she couldn't be a good mom to him, she wanted me to "have him". I was there to coach her through her labor, support her through breastfeeding, and just be there for her. I felt like her older sister. We got close. I wanted to see her do well and be a good little mommy to her son. Unfortunately, she made bad decisions which resulted in her baby being placed in her mother's custody. Her mother took her grandson out of obligation, not desire. It is a sad, complicated, messy situation. I was his consistent caregiver for the first 7 months of his life and we have a really strong bond. He lights up my world. I talked with my hubby about the possibility of adopting him if he becomes legally free, his grandma said she would be happy about that. My hubby doesn't want to do adopt him. He is happy with the dymnamics of our family now. My job recently came to an end because mom/grandma is taking FMLA leave. There were no hard feelings. I miss both of the babies, but I don't worry about the baby girl. She still has her mom and her mom is crazy about her. Grandma is a little different towards her grandson and I think it just has to do with the poor relationship that she has with the baby's mother, her oldest daughter. As I said, it's a mess and I am praying for a miracle in the situation. As for me, it has been a month since I have seen the kids. It really does feel like a break up! That was a great analogy. I thought that the kids needed time with just mom/grandma and I didn't want to interfere with their new routine and their bonding. I have cried so many tears over this situation. She called me the other day about getting together. They are coming over to my house on Thursday to bring me a gift. I want to see them, but at the same time, I know it's going to hurt. I am continuing to pray about this situation because I really don't know how to handle it at this point. I have taken care of a lot of children, but there is just something special about the bond that I have with this little baby boy.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09162886952409030763noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8925959104562250919.post-86758948278136889752010-09-20T08:48:24.384-07:002010-09-20T08:48:24.384-07:00I see where you are coming from, but I also think ...I see where you are coming from, but I also think there is another side. To the children, all they know is that people they love are gone - they don't know where they have gone, or for how long. When you show them that the person they miss isn't gone forever, by making a quick visit, it can soothe their hearts and take that trouble from their little minds. Who knows, maybe there's a little salve there for you too.<br /><br />Christian's Dad could feel supported by a visit, especially when he keeps reaching out.jendoophttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01010044127553834584noreply@blogger.com