tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8925959104562250919.post4325415169151527637..comments2023-07-27T23:50:16.933-07:00Comments on Adoption & Foster Care: My Personal Experiences: If I Were In Charge of the Adoption Process . . . Maryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12151910762502998483noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8925959104562250919.post-24835848977075025732014-02-28T04:47:41.932-08:002014-02-28T04:47:41.932-08:00I know that some agencies have "baby born&quo...I know that some agencies have "baby born" programs in which priority is given to those with failed matches so that is the only way I could see a point system working. <br /><br />However, in the case of matches between expectant mothers and adoptive families, the emom is looking for a family in which she feels her child will be a good fit and also with whom she will feel comfortable as well - especially in the case of an open adoption since compatible personalities would probably be more likely to have a successful open adoption than non-compatible personalities. Her first thought is and should be for her child and for what it is in the best interest of that child. If she eventually does choose adoption (and in a truly ethical adoption she doesn't have to commit to an adoption plan until she has actually signed TPR), her choice of family should be the family that she feels is best for her child. chttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08201437966367252092noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8925959104562250919.post-85309158014199283532014-02-11T12:06:34.848-08:002014-02-11T12:06:34.848-08:00I love this concept. And I love how it shows your ...I love this concept. And I love how it shows your heart of compassion and empathy for families who have experienced loss and have lived through the waiting. This is why I try to encourage people who have had biological kids to consider adopting waiting kids or older kids and let the infertile couples pursue domestic infant adoption since that may be the only way they experience the joy of bringing a baby home from the hospital. <br /> Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07634815276186292561noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8925959104562250919.post-86280797646350305382014-02-06T11:38:01.741-08:002014-02-06T11:38:01.741-08:00Interesting thoughts! I think if I could change it...Interesting thoughts! I think if I could change it I would just pick the families myself :) just kidding! But I know several precious families that are waiting and I would love to just go up to a birth mother and tell her all about how wonderful they are myself. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8925959104562250919.post-40206674951026728862014-02-06T11:38:01.011-08:002014-02-06T11:38:01.011-08:00Interesting thoughts! I think if I could change it...Interesting thoughts! I think if I could change it I would just pick the families myself :) just kidding! But I know several precious families that are waiting and I would love to just go up to a birth mother and tell her all about how wonderful they are myself. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8925959104562250919.post-26736329974909848532014-01-26T22:31:19.235-08:002014-01-26T22:31:19.235-08:00I read all the time but rarely comment. I actually...I read all the time but rarely comment. I actually have a series of posts about what I would change about adoption, if I were "Queen of Adoption Land". If it interests you, you can see the posts here:<br />http://chittisterchildren.wordpress.com/category/robyns-adoption-land/<br /><br />That said, I don't agree with your point system. One family is not more deserving than another. AFAIK, I'm not infertile. I do, however, have a medical condition that is incompatible with pregnancy. I never tried to get pregnant, because a) I never wanted to and b) if I did, it would not end well. Same sex couples wouldn't get any points under your system. But all of us, I would imagine, feel that same need, ache even, for our children. <br /><br />I guess it would be nice if there were some rhyme or reason to the adoption process. I'm just not sure that it really is desirable. What if the people at the top of the list are waiting for a black baby girl who wasn't exposed to drugs in utero, and the next baby available is a white baby boy born addicted to methadone? In foster adoption, the parents have to be prepared for specific needs, so choosing the family at the top of the list really wouldn't work. <br /><br />I do agree with you that it isn't a failed adoption if an expectant mother chooses to parent before the baby is born or placed. It's just a failed match. Robyn Chttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10354355040845413097noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8925959104562250919.post-91234771635108638292014-01-25T10:21:39.383-08:002014-01-25T10:21:39.383-08:00Failed "match"- I like that terminology....Failed "match"- I like that terminology. But I hate the FAILED part because you're absolutely right that neither you nor the adoption failed! I once used the term "adoption miscarriage" to describe a situation where we met the child and began bonding with her but her family changed their mind about placing her with us. I also got a lot of slack for using that term but from my perspective that's what it felt like- attaching to someone and experiencing so much anticipation before anything officially had a chance to come to fruition.Maryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12151910762502998483noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8925959104562250919.post-39914192349113402022014-01-25T07:13:30.102-08:002014-01-25T07:13:30.102-08:00You've a complete right to feel antsy. I agree...You've a complete right to feel antsy. I agree about failed adoption definitions. We called ours a failed match, even though the baby had been born. It wasn't the adoption that failed, or us. <br /><br />Seems like there should be a point every time somebody makes a stupid comment about adoption, foster care, etc. to you. It could probably go under advocating for adoption/foster care....especially if you don't throat-punch them.<br /><br />LOVE Kelley's comment about child points. With trauma kids, each good choice and triumph over their instincts should get at least five points (ie: Choosing to verbalize that he/she's upset and angry rather than punching holes in houses/peeing in closets/etc.)<br /><br />Shinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07248638307776387058noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8925959104562250919.post-42121918741703380032014-01-24T15:08:07.266-08:002014-01-24T15:08:07.266-08:00EXCELLENT POINT about having a point system for th...EXCELLENT POINT about having a point system for the children! When I feel like I'm getting impatient waiting to adopt I remind myself that there are children out there who have been waiting much longer than I have!Maryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12151910762502998483noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8925959104562250919.post-85305736941787230102014-01-24T14:44:20.811-08:002014-01-24T14:44:20.811-08:00What an interesting concept! In our licensing clas...What an interesting concept! In our licensing classes, there were many couples who had lived thought infertility and miscarriage. We are blessed by three little crazies, so you might wonder why we would have signed on for the foster adoption adventure. We signed up because we felt God leading us there. On day one, I was uncomfortable with the adoption process. I didn't want to "compete" with another family for a kid- it seemed crazy because we set out to adopt children who didn't have anyone else. If there was someone else wishing to adopt them, then I didn't want to stand in their way! BUT... the more I learned and prayed and listened, the more I came to know that adoption isn't about finding a child for a family. It's about finding a family for a child. If my family is the best fit for a child or sibling group, even if there are several other families wanting him/her/them, then we will be excited to welcome that child into our life. <br /><br />I wish there were a point system with the kids more than the perspective parents- for every abuse instance suffered (1 point), for every day lived without a meal (1 point), for every time a placement was disrupted (1 point), for every day past TPR (1 point), for each sibling (1 point)... and then the parents would just line up and live happily ever after with the child at the front of the line. :-) <br /><br />Thanks for your blog. It's been a real treasure during our foster care journey!Kelleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16498028496686295825noreply@blogger.com