Courtrooms make me nervous- even if I haven't done anything wrong to be in one. Courtrooms give me the same feeling as when I'm driving down the road or freeway and notice a cop car behind me. In such instances I instinctively slow down and think "What did I do wrong?" even when I'm totally going the speed limit and all of my lights are working and I have my license and registration with me.
Last month I found myself in a courtroom and although I certainly didn't do anything wrong to end up there, I experienced some momentary panic at the formality of it all. Maybe it's having to go through security or maybe it's a type of PTSD reaction to all of the review hearings I've attended over the years as a foster parent knowing that the outcome of a child's life is totally dependent on a judge's ruling and although I want nothing but the best for them, I am utterly helpless in advocating for them or determining the outcome.
In more recent years I've also had some more intense experiences in courtrooms as a professional when I've been subpoenaed to testify on behalf of a client- usually in the case of a Termination of Parental Rights hearing. Although I have done nothing "wrong" to end up in those situations, it is slightly intimidating to have to be sworn in and cross examined while trying to appear calm and professional (while jitters and worries start creeping up). And, of course, the adoption of each of our children took place in courthouses so even though they were joyous occasions, there was still some nervousness and I would worry "What if I forget my name when they ask?"
So how did I end up in a courtroom again? Last month my husband and I were invited to attend the adoption finalization of our former foster daughter, Molly, by the family who has been basically raising her for the last several years. This proceeding was so interesting to observe for a couple of reasons: Namely, Molly is now 19 years old and a legal adult, so she had to give her consent to be adopted by this family. Second, this adoption was technically an "annulled adoption" as Molly had been adopted before, but that adoption and those relationships did not end up in permanency. Third, although Molly's former adoptive parents weren't able to be there in person (long story which is not mine to share) both the judge and Molly's new adoptive mother made efforts to recognize the presence and influence of one of them during the ceremony. Last of all, this is the only adoption of a foster child (whom my husband and I haven't adopted) that my husband and I have been able to attend.
Another interesting thing about this day was that I would estimate that about half of the people in attendance were adults while the other half were younger children. Because of this there was some noticeable energy and wiggles and the spectators weren't necessarily quiet. Thank goodness that the judge and bailiff were pretty chill so the judge joked at the beginning that although he usually doesn't allow crying in his courtroom, he would make an exception for today.
19 years old is such a complicated age- legally an adult but still a child in so many ways, so I laughed when the judge turned to Molly's adoptive parents and asked a clarifying question of "Is Molly of a competent mind (to give her consent to be adopted)?" and her adoptive mom immediately piped up with "Well . . . she is still a teenager." The most satisfying part of the adoption proceeding was hearing Molly advocate for herself and share with the judge why she wanted to be adopted by this family because of the influence they've had in her life. It was so inspiring and I'm guessing empowering for Molly. It also goes to show that no matter how old you are- EVERYONE needs to belong to a family. Adoption isn't just for babies- so many kids need permanency.
My husband has always been very practical (while I'm a little more emotional at times) so after the ceremony as I was soaking up all of the sentimentality of the situation he turned to Molly's adoptive parents before they visited the court clerk and said, "Be sure to get more than one copy of the adoption decree for situations when Molly wants to get a new driver's license, show proof for a legal name change, or for tax purposes for future employers." All of that, of course, went over my head. My husband also reminded Molly and her parents that by virtue of being in the foster care system at one time she could be eligible for Financial Aid or scholarships so to be sure and keep that in mind as she plans for further schooling and opportunities.
I'm going to end with this graphic and some statistics. Because of support and permanency Molly has a bright future ahead of her, despite the things she's been through. Her life could have turned out very differently.
