At
the close of an appointment Rose and her mother and I were in the lobby
talking with each other. A little girl
who had been playing in the designated children’s play area of the office was
drawn to Rose who was happily babbling away in her car seat. This little girl quietly approached me with a
toy in her hand, and after giving the baby a shy smile and then looking up
towards me she asked “Is this your
baby?”.
Let
me preface what happened next by just saying that lately my emotions regarding
Rose’s future departure have been extremely tender and close to the
surface. As soon as I think about how
much time we have left with her my eyes start welling up with tears or I feel a
lump starting to form in my throat so I busy myself with something else to try
to put it out of my mind. Not only have
I been struggling with those feelings all too familiar with foster parents at
reunification time, but they have been compounded by all sorts of additional
fun emotions and issues surrounding infertility which seem to be creeping up on
me lately and rearing their ugly head, too.
UGGGH! So when this little girl
asked me a simple question “Is this your
baby?” it really stirred up some
feelings of grief and loss within me.
“No.” I calmly and kindly explained to the
little girl. “She’s her baby.” I said as I pointed to Rose’s mother. Despite my inner sorrow, I tried to keep my
composure and not visibly show all the complex feelings stirring up inside of
me (at least I didn’t think I did).
Then, without a moment’s hesitation, as soon as Rose’s mother heard my
reply she piped up and confidently said, “She’s
both our baby.”
I
was so deeply touched by those four profound words that came out of Rose’s
mother’s mouth that I turned to her and said, “That’s sweet of you.” And although I am normally not a touchy/feely
person with other adults I found myself squeezing her petite frame to my side
in a somewhat awkward but very sincere side hug.
The
little girl excitedly announced, “This is for her!” and gently placed a toy
just in front of Rose’s reach. We
both thanked her and a look of pride in her ability to share crossed the little
girl’s face. I might also add that this
appointment was not in the DCFS Office, otherwise the phrase “She’s both our
baby“ would have been easily understood by anyone in the room who happened to
overhear it, so when Rose’s mother made the proud announcement of “She’s both
our baby” a middle-aged man seated nearby did a 180 degree turn in his seat and
turned around to look up at us with the most blatantly confused look on his
face. Maybe he thought we were in some sort of a Jerry Springer situation or he couldn't help but make some assumptions- Who knows. His reaction was so amusing to me and it
definitely added some much needed comic relief to the experience as I let the
tears flow freely on my ride home.
6 comments:
Hugs! Also I love the looks of confusion on people's faces, even in the lobby of DSS. Hopefully, you'll always be a part of her life! <3
Becky has left a new comment on your post ""She's Both Our Baby"":
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SO beautiful! It's how open adoption (and foster care) should work.
I'm glad I stumbled across your blog. I'm about two weeks away from foster/adoptive certification.
That's exciting, HGlick!
I am a birth mother and I am new to your blog. I appreciate your insight and I am so excited to be a new reader. I love adoptive moms!!!
Ok, so I have tears welling in my eyeballs right now. That completely touched my heart. And, I know how that feels from personal experience. I'd love to share one of my blog stories with you, My Son has two mom's: http://asinglefostermomsdiary.blogspot.com/2012/04/my-son-has-two-moms.html
I started out in a turbulent situation with bio parents when I first got my foster son. Now, it's anytning but that.
xoxoxo
Casey
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