Tuesday, August 18, 2020

How to Raise a Happy, Healthy Child Through Every Phase of Life

The following is a guest post contributed by Abby Holt of craftability.org.

Photo Source: Unsplash

Becoming a parent means diving into the unknown. No matter how much you think you know about what it takes to raise a child, your kid will somehow manage to completely surprise you at every turn! Yes, parenthood means facing new obstacles, especially if your child has special needs, but you don’t have to stumble your way through it all. We’ve collected some valuable resources packed with advice on caring for your child through every year of their lives. 

Creating Structured Routines

Children benefit from having predictable routines set by their parents, and even older children will need your guidance on structuring their routines.

Baby Feeding Schedule: A Guide to the First Year

Best Ways to Help Children Fall Asleep at Nap Time

How to Get Your Teen Up for School

Teaching Your Child to Love Learning

Learning is a lifelong endeavor, and it shouldn’t stop when your child leaves school! 

Helping Your Child Learn to Read

Tips for Homeschooling Math

How to Help Your Teen Develop Good Study Habits

How to Safely Observe Wildlife from Your Home

Encourage Healthy Habits

It’s never too early to start teaching your child about healthy everyday habits, from healthy nutrition tips to physical exercise.

Toddler Eating Habits: A Few Golden Rules

9 Secrets to Managing Your Child’s Screen Time

8 Great Ways to Get Your Teen to Exercise

 Educate Your Child About Relationships

Throughout your child’s life, they will turn to you for advice on friendships and romantic relationships. These resources will help you prepare to answer their questions.

Getting Preschoolers to Share

How to Help Your Child Make Friends

Teach Your Teen to Set Emotional Boundaries

Many parents struggle with insecurity and doubt when they start a family. After all, it’s common for parents to hear lots of conflicting advice about what is best for their children. But with these resources, you’ll be able to discern which tips will be most helpful for you and your family.

Monday, August 3, 2020

Trauma is "Too Much, Too Fast"

I’m considering this post my personal emotional check-in/answer to the question I posed at the end of my previous post.

Back in April I was feeling “overwhelmed” (if I had to choose just one word) when I wrote this post.  Everything was “too much, too fast”.  I’ve been through hard times before and I’d like to think that I’m more patient than the average person, but lately rather than feeling overwhelmed I’ve found myself feeling annoyed and irritable.  I hate the uncertainty in the world and I’m sick of feeling “trapped” inside.  And then, of course, I immediately feel guilty for feeling that way because suffering is relative and there are those who actually are in a trapped situation- kids in abusive or neglectful homes who could benefit from the safety net of public schools opening, women in domestic violence situations who can’t as easily get away from their perpetrator, or the children and families still in detention centers or living in cages.  A cage has got to be the epitome of being trapped.  

My heart is usually drawn, first and foremost, to children and youth who are suffering.  I have admittedly never been interested in working with the elderly- as needful a population as they are.  However, I must admit that I’ve become much more aware of the mental and physical trauma that the senior citizes around the world are currently facing- not to mention financial concerns.  If anyone has a right to complain about lack of connection, feeling trapped, or facing the realistic possibility of death from COVID-19 it’s the elderly. 

I have two elderly parents right now in their late 80s who, fortunately, are still able to be very much connected to and supported by their children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren.  Although my parents have some risk factors in addition to their age, their health is currently stable.  My in-laws, however, who are roughly the same age as my parents, have faced some unique challenges over the past year including having to sell their home of decades and moving into an Assisted Living Center where they could both have access to 24 hour care since their children were not realistically able to provide that to them. [That’s the condensed version of the story anyway- omitting numerous falls, an emergency brain surgery, children taking turns to care for them in their home, and a convalescent period at a rehabiliation center before one of them was able to transition to Assisted Living]. 

My in-laws have adjusted well to their new living situation, but they are both currently struggling with feeling “trapped” as their facility has been on lockdown the past several months.  As upscale and nice as their particular facility is, I overheard my mother-in-law liken the helpless feeling she had of not being able to have visitors in her suite or not being able to leave the facility except for medical appointments and other necessities as being in prison.

Last month I was having a conversation with my mother-in-law (we can visit with them outside their windows or through glass if we want to go in person) and it became evident to me that in addition to the new stress and uncertainty she is facing surrounding COVID restrictions and precautions, she is also still grieving her former independence and home.  Speaking of her home she said, “I don’t believe I’ve ever shed more tears over having to say goodbye to my home than I even have over a living person who has died.”  I hadn’t quite understood the enormity of her grief and loss until I heard her say that.  Because the circumstances leading up to selling her home and moving into an Assisted Living Center were due to an unexpected event and her transition happened within months without much time to process everything, it fell into the category/definition of trauma being “too much, too fast.” 

When I heard my mother-in-law express her grief I also thought of the thousands of children in foster care who- at a moment’s notice- are moved from their homes without time to say goodbye, are given a garbage bag to collect their essentials, and are placed into a stranger’s home in cases where they can’t be placed with relatives.  “Too much, too fast” certainly applies to refugee families who are willing to leave their homeland under dangerous circumstances without much except the clothes on their backs in order to escape poverty, violence, exploitation or government oppression. 

On a personal level of experiencing “too much, too fast”, since I wrote an update four months ago, a couple of significant things have happened in my life.  These aren’t necessarily bad/traumatic things, but they have required much effort and encompass a lot of CHANGE:

-              - I finished up my Masters Degree in Social Work!  Which means, among other things, that I will have more time to read and write just for fun than for a graded assignment or research.

-                -I had a virtual job interview and I will be starting a new position in the Fall doing what I did at my last internship- providing therapy to children and adolescents- most of whom are in the foster care system or have been adopted.

    -Our family moved into a bigger home.  We’ve been looking for homes for three or four years now so although our move wasn’t necessarily unexpected or due to financial hardship or job loss, we certainly didn’t envision that our next move would coincide with a pandemic! 

-       Because we now have more space, we are in a position to house elderly parents, if needed, or to host another foster child or two.  (The prospect of housing not just one but two elderly parents certainly influenced our decision to start the school year out virtually rather than in person).  Although I still feel like we’re getting settled into our house, I am also aware that other populations- including the elderly, children in foster care, or refugees- are at particular risk for going through “too much, too fast” without needed supports in place.  I don’t know for certain who exactly will be joining our household over the next year or two, but I’m a firm believer that if you have more than you need, then you share.         

                               

Collective Trauma & Collective Support

Hey Readers, How’s everyone holding up?  I came across a quote last month which really spoke to me and I wanted to share it now.  What struck me in this quote is the definition of trauma as “too much, too fast.” which is such an accurate description of all of the changes that have taken place in our world, nation, and our personal lives since mid-March of this year.

Another unique and somewhat comforting aspect of this quote is the fact that we are all undergoing a “collective” traumatic experience right now.  Many times trauma can be so personal in nature that very few people are even aware of the silent struggles an individual may be going through.  “In the quiet heart is hidden Sorrow that the eye can’t see” is a line from a favorite Hymn of mine that describes this concept.

What makes this past year and global pandemic different from other kinds of trauma is that everyone is suffering to some degree and it’s not something that can be kept hidden.  One might think that because everyone is having to adapt to change it would make us more united and sympathetic towards each other.  Sadly, I have observed many instances where I’ve found just the opposite is true- especially in online interactions and in social media where judgments, criticisms, debate, and even conspiracy theories take precedence over empathy, encouragement, civil dialogue, and problem-solving.

Don’t get me wrong, I think the internet can be a great tool for connection and many are craving that connection and are especially in need of interaction right now.  I’ve also found it interesting that although both my husband and I would describe ourselves as introverts, we’ve both really missed interacting with others face-to-face on a regular basis.  I admittedly have not left the house much at all over the past 4 or so months.  Here’s something I shared on my personal Facebook profile regarding that:

Last week I had to get my driver’s license renewed and my husband came along to do a couple of errands as well.  I scheduled my appointment with the DMV early in the morning, so I decided to get a much-needed haircut before returning home.  My husband needed a trim and he and I were the only ones in the hair salon, and afterwards he was teasing me about how gabby I was with the lady cutting my hair.  I am usually much more of a listener than a talker, but apparently I was so excited to interact with someone in person that I guess I just kept going on and on- whereas other times I may have thought “Just cut my hair- no need to ask me questions.”  That was also definitely the first time I’ve been asked to wash my hands before getting a haircut and had a mask covering my face the entire time.

Going back to the quote that I shared: “Of course you aren’t as productive, feeling foggy, or wondering how you can possibly go through so many waves of emotions all in the same day.”  YES!  I love the validation that it’s natural to experience many different emotions in such a short time.  I know that my physical energy, productiveness, and moods have greatly fluctuated from day to day.  It’s okay to have ambivalent feelings.  For example, I love my children dearly and I find it so ironic that earlier this year I was feeling so guilty/resentful for not having more time apart from my schooling and work to spend with them.  And now that we’ve been quarantined together for almost five months there are days when they absolutely drive me CRAZY and I just need to go in a different room to have my own space.  School this year will be another huge adjustment as we recently made the decision to enroll our kids in online learning for at least the first term or two and then we’ll play things by ear.

At the beginning of this post I asked a question: How’s everyone holding up?  It wasn’t a rhetorical question!  I often hold a check-in at the beginning of my counseling sessions with younger clients with the objective of them simply being able to identify what they are feeling, often times with the aid of a visual chart.  Let’s consider this a group check-in.  Using the image below or however you feel like- comment how you’re doing, what your biggest challenge or right now is, or what you’ve found helpful to make it through each day.