In our journey to adopt the second time around,
we've looked into many different agencies and situations. One of the
first things my husband and I do when researching adoption agencies or looking
into available situations is to ask for a breakdown of fees. Over the
past couple of years I've come across a few situations from a particular agency
in my state known for its costliness (among other things) and
when I asked for a specific breakdown of fees I was ASTONISHED
to learn how much money went towards their "advertising
costs." I also found it ironic that for an agency with such
high advertising costs, they always seem to be searching for families to go
through their agency by posting situations in online forums.
Take note, adoption professionals: Please
Don't leave messages or announcements in online forums or social media asking
if anyone is interested or knows of anyone who is interested in adopting a baby
with an approaching due date without an estimation of the costs.
Doing so is like a Realtor posting an ad with a picture of a house which
has just been listed and asking all potential homeowners "Is anyone
interested in buying this house?" Of course people are
interested in buying the house, but no matter how great the location or how
gorgeous the home is, if it doesn't fit into the buyer's budget, then it's just
not a realistic option for them to look into! The real question isn't
"Is anyone interested in buying this house?" but rather "Is this
house within your price range?"
Similarly speaking,
with
infertility affecting 1 in 8 couples in the U.S., and/or for many families
who may not necessarily be affected by infertility but who would love to
provide a safe and nurturing home for a child through adoption OF COURSE PEOPLE
ARE INTERESTED IN ADOPTING! So why don't more people adopt when
situations arise? Because being
interested is NOT the same
as
being able to afford the costs of adopting which is where one
of my biggest pet peeves about the adoption process as an adoptive parent
lies:
That adoption can be so costly!
Dear
Adoption Agencies with Particularly High Fees,
Please
don't get anyone's false hopes up by advertising situations and asking if
anyone is interested, but rather, just come outright and say, "Those of
you who have at least $45K in your adoption budget, please inquire- no other
families will be considered." Yes, I realize there won't be as
many inquiries, but it will save both parties a lot of time and save
prospective adoptive couples (and their friends and families who are so eager
to pass along such information) extra frustration and heartache.
Sincerely, Me
I understand that medical care and legal fees
cost money- I get it- and certainly birthparents may need some financial
support during a pregnancy, but I just don't understand how some agencies can
feel good about themselves for charging an arm and a leg for
"advertising" or other fees.
Do these agencies exist to
find homes for children or are they in the money-making business of buying
off birthparents and in return selling babies to the highest bidder?
I know that sounds extremely cynical of me, but it's an honest frustration I
have. When I come across such agencies, it makes my husband and I much
more inclined to want to adopt a Waiting Child through the
foster care system, because the
intent
of The Dave Thomas Foundation For Adoption and other such foundations
and agencies is to find families and homes for children, NOT to make
a profit.
Speaking of child-centered adoptions, I fully agree with what Dawn Davenport, an adoption advocate and the Executive Director of
creatingafamily.org, wrote in
this post:
“OK,
here’s the truth: the process of adoption is often messy with lots of ups and
downs. Both families involved –birth and adoptive- are making the biggest
decision of their life. What is right for them and for the child is
not always clear. Absolutes are in short supply. No agency can make
this process seamless, nor should they. You can and should expect, however,
honesty, transparency, and communication.
Good
agencies are child centered; they are more interested in finding homes for
children than children for homes. Good agencies come in all sizes and
flavors, but in my opinion they share the following traits:
- They stress pre-adoption
education.
- For domestic adoption agencies,
they provide pre and post adoption counseling for first mothers, and
support her decision either way.
- For international adoption
agencies, they have humanitarian programs in the countries where they work
to help the kids that won’t be adopted and help families stay intact.
- They don’t cherry pick the
kids. In other words, they try to find homes for harder to place children.
- They make a lifetime commitment
to you and your child through post adoption services.
A
good adoption agency looks more like a child-welfare agency. It’s worth
the time to find that type of agency.”
My husband and I were very pleased with the
private agency we went through for our first adoption for the following
reasons:
1)
As a non-profit agency it was affordable; not “cheap”
but affordable
3)
The agency we used does not charge “more” or “less” for
children based on race of the child. I
REFUSE to support any agency which charges more for a child based on skin
color. Some would argue that it’s just a
matter of economics: white babies are more “rare” than multiracial or minority
babies, but there are more multiracial babies and children available or in
“supply”; therefore the higher the demand the higher the price and vice versa. Even so, it just doesn’t seem right to me.
4)
The agency required pre-adoption education stressing
the importance that adoption should be centered on THE CHILD and that although
birthparents and adoptive parents are crucial to the process, their needs come
second to the child’s needs.
After much thought and research over the past
couple of years we found another adoption agency which meets the criteria of
our first adoption agency: it is a non-profit agency which charges on a
sliding scale based on income, they do not charge more or less based on race of
a child, and birthparents who go through this agency are provided with ample
support- emotionally and financially- and they play an active role in choosing
which family adopts their child. Such criteria meets our definition
of an "ethical" adoption agency. We were approved to adopt
through this new agency a year ago and thankfully our Home Study from our
original agency easily transferred over which helped to save a TON of
paperwork and time on our part!
Another advantage for us as adoptive
parents going through this new agency is that the number of
families that they work with at one time is substantially lower than our other agency-
which has literally
hundreds of prospective adoptive couples,
which is GREAT if you're a birthparent considering adoption, but not
so great when you're hoping to adopt and have to compete with other couples in
the exact same situation.
Criteria for choosing an adoption agency depends
on what things are most important to prospective adoptive couples- or
birthparents. Speaking of which, I thought it was very interesting that
as part of the application process with our new agency (we are still with our
old agency as well) in an attempt to get to know their clients, we were asked
to rate the following three statements in order of importance to us:
"____ I want to have a baby in my arms
as soon as possible. I am not as interested in specific characteristics;
I just want a child.
____ Birth parents race, intelligence, and
general characteristics are very important to me. I am willing to wait
longer in order to find what I'm looking for.
____ Although I am anxious to adopt,
cost is very important to me, therefore I am willing to wait for birth parents
with minimal financial need."
Such statements can be very helpful in
determining what is a priority to you and what kind of an adoption agency would
fit your needs.
Other questions to keep in mind if you
or someone you know is considering adoption and researching agencies are:
-How long has the agency been in
business/licensed?
-What are the
fees? Are any of these fees refundable?
-Can the agency guarantee the placement
of a child?
-How many adoptive placements does the
agency have, on average, per year?
-What is the average waiting time to be
matched with a child?
-How many prospective adoptive couples at
a time does the agency work with?
-Does the agency encourage closed or open
adoptions?
