Reunion with Molly

Last week I received a notification on my phone with a message from someone I had never met. The woman who sent the message explained that she was looking for her daughter's former foster mom from when her daughter was a baby and she wondered if it could possibly be me. When I read the name of the baby my eyes almost popped out of my head and my heart started pounding . . . It was Molly! 

 

If you're new to this blog, "Molly" is the name of our second foster child who was placed with us from the time she was 4 months old till she was almost a year old. Consequently, she had lots of firsts with us: first words, first solid foods, first steps, etc. I replied almost immediately in the affirmative "Yes! We fostered her." Of course, that was 18 years ago so I was astounded when Molly's mom replied back with pictures of a gorgeous young woman rather than the sweet baby we once loved. Her face and smile were the same- but she was all grown up! 

Molly's mom explained that she was trying to help Molly fill in some of the gaps of her history, including the time she was placed with us, as Molly had heard differing accounts. Molly's mom also asked, "Do you have any baby pictures of her?" I sent her a few pictures from my private blog, which, thankfully, also included a few updates about developmental milestones. I admit that I had to come back to the "About Me" section of this blog to make sure I had the dates of her placement with us and different hearings correct.

I had a lot of questions about Molly's life as well, including her relationship with her birth parents and their status. Molly's mom was more than happy to bring me up to speed about what had happened to Molly from the time she left our home, including being in the care of a relative, being adopted (her birth parents eventually relinquished their parental rights), being separated from her little brother who was adopted into a non-familial family, and eventually moving into the same neighborhood as this woman who hasn't officially adopted her (yet), but who has been raising her as one of her own children along with her other children for over a decade now. Molly's history also included some tragedy and I was saddened to hear that. 

Over the next couple of days Molly's mother and I exchanged more information through messaging and in addition to some of Molly's hardships I learned of some of her accomplishments: She has graduated from high school, has her drivers license, and is currently working as a CNA and deciding what route she'd like to go for college. 

Molly's mom initially prefaced her initial message with something like "If you aren't interested in providing information or having contact that's fine, but if you are interested in at least answering some questions, that would be wonderful." When I told my husband about the initial message he was shocked but also as ecstatic as I was, so it really wasn't a question of "Do we want contact?" but "How is this going to work out?" In addition, you know how some people are just really easy to get along with and you just seem to "click"? That's how I felt when I was interacting with Molly's mom so I was more than happy to answer questions and things felt natural with her rather than forced or awkward. 

YESTERDAY My husband and I were reunited with Molly thanks to her mom, who, much to her credit, kept it all a secret from Molly for over a week. There were a lot of tears on my part and Molly was so delighted to see the pictures we gave her of when she was a baby, as well as to read about and hear about what she was like when she was with us. We were able to answer some questions for her and provide a clarification of events from when she was placed with us, then went back to her birth parents and then when she came back into care up to when she was placed with a relative. Molly's mom referred to finding me as a tender mercy and I feel the same way.

School Update- Jill

The week before Christmas Break I had a meeting with Jill's teacher, her Vice Principal, the school psychologist, and the school's speech therapist about if Jill qualified for an IEP, based on recommendations from the speech pathologist at Jill's IOP last year who suggested she be assessed. The Occupational Therapist couldn't make it to the meeting so she called me earlier in the day with her report. 

I have learned that there are thirteen different categories of disability in reference to special education under IDEA, including:

1. Specific Learning Disability (SLD)
2. Speech or Language Impairment
3. Other Health Impairment
4. Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)
5. Intellectual Disability
6. Emotional Disturbance
7. Developmental Delay
8. Multiple Disabilities
9. Deaf-Blindness
10. Deafness
11. Hearing Impairment
12. Orthopedic Impairment
13. Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI)

Jill's school psychologist (who conducted the majority of testing) informed me that Jill would be assessed under the category of Autism to see if she qualified for an Individualized Education Plan. Speaking of autism, pretty cool that there's now a Barbie with autism (which, I've read, was designed by an autistic person), but I laughed even harder when I saw this: 

Although the meeting was over an hour, the team didn't tell me until about ten minutes before it actually ended that Jill did not meet the qualifications for an IEP since the majority of the meeting was spent going over her different testing results.  I kind of wish they would have told me their decision at the beginning and then backed it up with the data instead of waiting till the end to learn that she didn't qualify.  Evidently, she did much better on the speech assessment with the speech therapist than she did on the same assessment at her IOP and that was the main area of concern.

I have mixed feelings about Jill not qualifying for an IEP.  In one sense, I guess I should feel relieved, but in another sense I was left feeling like I do much of the time with Jill's special needs- "Yes, she has special needs- but she's getting by and her needs aren't severe enough to require serious intervention." Her teacher confirmed that sometimes she struggles in class, but not enought to have to actually be pulled out of class.  That being said, she still has her 504 Plan and I thought it was very convenient that at the next Parent Teacher Conference the Vice Principal will be in attendance to update her 504 with her teacher and me.

I think my biggest concern is that Jill will be starting junior high next year and I just want her to be successful (meaning, not overwhelmed). I am curious if having different classes and teachers instead of just one classroom and teacher all day will help Jill's AuDHD brain. I just want her to have the accommodations she needs.

One part of the IEP Meeting where I literally almost cried in both stress and relief at how far Jill has come in actually attending school is when we looked at her attendance record from her 4th grade year with 47 absences and from her 5th grade year with 52 absences.  This year she has only had two absences from legitimate sickness. It shouldn’t come as a surprise then, when I can across this statistic about school attendance:

I am happy to report that Jill enjoys the social aspect of school and because of that I am able to successfully get her off to school most days. However, this morning after a brief argument/insistence that she wear her coat today (It was 19 degrees outside by the time she left for the bus stop and I could see her breath) she reluctantly put it on, said some choice words to me and then I said goodbye and closed the front door. Her argument about not putting it on is that it “makes her sweaty” because it’s so warm. This is the same coat I purposely had her pick out herself so that there would be no complaints. [Tell me you have a child with sensory issues without telling me you have a child with sensory issues]!  About an hour later when my son left for school he said “Mom- did you know that Jill’s coat is on the porch?” [Tell me you have a PDA child without telling me you have a PDA child!]