Matching Mondays: Native American Sibling Groups

I have never done a Matching Mondays post, but today I feel compelled to do so.

The past couple of weeks as I’ve searched through profiles of Waiting Children online, there were a few profiles in particular which kept sticking out to me.  These profiles had something very specific in common: they featured sibling groups of children of Native American descent who are part of a federally recognized tribe.  I must have been born the wrong ancestry because as a prospective adoptive parent who has absolutely no known trace of Native American ancestry in my “boring” pasty white European lineage, but who is drawn to Native American culture and history, I would not be able to make an inquiry about these children due to regulations set forth in the Indian Child Welfare Act (ICWA).

HOWEVER, someone else out there might be interested in adopting these children who also meets the following criteria:

1. Has a completed home study or foster care license
2. Is interested in adopting a sibling group, AND
3. You (or your spouse) can provide proof of being part of a federally recognized Indian tribe

If you or someone you know meets these requirements, then PLEASE take a look at these beautiful children- perhaps they are meant to be a part of your family!

Josie, Winnie, and Clair

Charlie and Kayla

Jaela, Joseph, and Julian

Makoa and Jonathon

Dominic and Noel

Mongolian Spots

The day after Rose was placed with us she had a really runny diaper. I consequently gave her a bath for the very first time and as I was drying her off I noticed a dark spot on her lower back- right above her bum- which I hadn't noticed when I changed her diapers. At first I thought it might be something left over from her dirty diaper that somehow didn't get rinsed off in her bath. Upon closer inspection I realized it was a nasty-looking bruise. "Oh dear", I thought. "This little baby has already been through enough- not this, too."

I became even more disturbed as I discovered another deep purple looking bruise on her genitals- located in a place which I wouldn't have been able to notice with just a routine diaper change.  I immediately felt sick . . . and angry. I began imagining the worst and thought "How can anyone do something like that to such a small baby?"  

NOTE: Okay, I don't normally go into details about injuries or allegations of the foster children in my care as that is confidential information, but bear with me- I'm sharing this story with the sole purpose of possibly helping any other foster parent or prospective foster parents out there who are ever faced with a similar situation, because, as you'll discover if you keep reading (or if you haven't already figured out by the title of this post) if I had known at the time when I discovered the "bruises" on Rose what I know now I would have been spared a lot of unnecessary worrying.

I showed Rose's caseworker the bruises after she came to our home a couple of hours later for the required 48 hours-after-placement visit. She took a picture of them with her camera to document them.

"Hmmm" she said, sounding puzzled, "I don't think the doctor said anything about those. You'll definitely have to ask about that when you take her to get checked" [She was referring to the fact that a doctor's appointment is typically required within the first couple of days after a child is placed into care]

"You'll also want the doctor to order such-and-such tests" she continued, speaking of some other non-related tests which needed to be done based on the baby's and the baby's parent's medical backgrounds.

I then proceeded to tell the caseworker that I had not yet been given a Medicaid card for Rose (nor had I yet been contacted by the nurse assigned to her case) so I couldn't take her in to see a doctor even if I wanted to right then.

On more than one occasion I've needed to take a foster child to a required check-up or to see a doctor, but their Medicaid Card (a new one is issued monthly) has not yet come in the mail; this is obviously problematic.  It’s just one of the frustrating paperwork aspects of being a foster parent: Since the children in your care are in State custody they qualify for and are covered by Medicaid (unless they happen to be covered by their parent's own private insurance plan, which is, in my experiences, a rarity). So anytime I need to take a foster child to see a doctor or any other medical professional I can't unless I have two forms with me:

1) The Placement Verification Letter from DCFS stating that I am the foster parent and as their  guardian I am responsible for the child yet I should not personally be billed for any treatments, and of course

2) Proof of Insurance (usually Medicaid).

If I don't have those two forms then my foster child can't be seen by a doctor.

Oh, make that three forms if you count the Health Visit Report which must be filled out by the doctor at each visit and comes in triplicate copies- one which the doctor's office keeps, one which I mail in to the nurse assigned to the child’s case, and one which I keep with the child's records.

Back to Rose and her bruises: The other stressful thing about discovering a scratch or bruise or reporting an injury of a foster child is that foster parents run the risk of being accused of child abuse. In some cases, foster parents are viewed suspiciously [thanks to the ones out there who have actually abused the children in their care!] and thought of as guilty until proven innocent [through investigation]. So my first concern about discovering Rose's bruises was for her and as I started jumping to conclusions I found myself hating her parents, whom I had never met, or whomever it was that did this to her.

But then . . . . then I started worrying when I realized that the tables could easily turn- that authorities who don't personally know me or my husband- but only know that we've had a child in our care for less than 24 hours and now we're reporting what could potentially be some serious- and definitely not just "accidental" injuries- could have the same suspicions towards me and my family that I had towards Rose’s family. 

The next morning Rose's caseworker called me and asked/instructed me to take Rose to the Children's Justice Center for further photos and documentation of the bruises. When I met the doctor in charge of the examination she mentioned that after she looked at the initial photos which the caseworker took the day before and, according to her professional experience and opinion, there was a possibility that the bruises might be Mongolian Spots. I had never heard of the term "Mongolian Spots" before but quickly surmised what it meant.  Although she is not of oriental descent, Rose is, after all, a bi-racial child: half-Caucasian and half-Hispanic.

More pictures were taken for documentation & investigation and after a thorough examination the doctor reassured me, once again, that she wouldn't be surprised if they turned out to be Mongolian Spots, but the only way to be certain would be for me to keep an eye on the bruises and watch for any changes in color.

When I got home that afternoon and got Rose fed, burped and down for a nap I went to the computer and Googled "Mongolian Spots". This was one of the images that was brought up:

I also found an excerpt from this article particularly pertinent:

“Because Mongolian spots can be easily mistaken for bruises, particularly by well-meaning white people who have no experience with them, they have triggered accusations of child abuse against some adoptive parents. For this reason, it is important to be sure that both your child's pediatrician and the caseworker who completes your post-adoption work record information on the presence of Mongolian spots into their records. You can assist in the documentation of this information by taking snapshots of the spots and providing prints to be included in your child's files. Since you cannot take for granted that everyone will know what Mongolian spots are, it is good advice to have their presence recorded from the start.”

Any other foster or adoptive families out there ever had any experiences with Mongolian spots?

Colic

It's been a long time since we've had a baby in our home (2 years). It's been an even longer time since we've had a baby girl in our home (4 years). Needless to say, over the past week we've been savoring the experience that only a baby girl can bring into a home. Of course, I would be lying if I said that every moment with Rose has been pure bliss.  A new baby in the house means, among other demands, middle of the night feedings and it's a tiring adjustment to have to make all of the sudden.

In addition, Rose has some problems with colic and acid reflux so I've had to experiment to see which burping position is most comfortable for her and exactly how much and how often she needs to be fed, and which formula (since she just changed formulas) and which medicines (fortunately she only has two) work best for her. It sure would be convenient if foster babies came with detailed notes from their parents of when they eat, how much they eat, when they sleep, how much they sleep, how best to soothe them, etc. but the sad fact is, especially if a baby or child is coming from a situation of neglect, there may not be any "norm" or routine at all when it comes to when and if they get fed or if they've been cared for at all. It's pretty much a guessing game of trial and error for the foster parent. Having said that, here's what I've discovered regarding Rose's care:

-She has to eat much more often than every four hours- more like every two or three since when she does eat she ends up spitting half of it back up.

-She prefers a to be held in a football hold- face down, with pressure on her stomach-after she's eaten or when she's particularly fussy- rather than the more traditional over-the shoulder, upright position.

And here's a couple of things I re-learned based on my past experiences in caring for colicky babies, particularly Christian*, who was a perpetual "Niagara Falls":

-Sometimes it's more comfortable for the baby who spits up frequently (or who has a stuffed up nose) to be placed back to sleep in their car seat- in an elevated, upright position- rather than back down in their crib.

I remembered the car seat technique when, during middle of the night feedings, I would finally get Rose to sleep or calmed down and as soon as I would place her face up in her bassinette she would become uncomfortable and fussy and prone to wake up and/or spit up even more.  If you don’t have a wedge pillow for reflux, a car seat or baby swing works pretty well, too.

-Acid reflux in babies equates with going through multiple changes of outfits, bibs, burp cloths, and blankets throughout the day . . . and consequently, having much more laundry.

I invested in some Dreft laundry detergent.  What can I say?  I love the smell!

Rose is so tiny that although she is already two months old, she looks and weighs (7 pounds) the same size as a newborn. It's amazing how many outfits a little one with acid reflux can go through! She came with only a few changes of clothes and I realized, because of her excess spitting up, that they would definitely not be enough for her. Since Rose will only be with us for a short time and we won't be given an Initial Placement Clothing Allowance I dragged a bin out of storage full of our daughter's old baby clothes. Oh the memories that come with looking through your children's old baby's clothes! Even some of our daughter's old 0-3 month clothes were far too big for Rose, so I resorted to using some of our daughter's old preemie clothes.

Some medications for colic just cause diarrhea.  Thank you, oral Zantac! Very counterproductive- it may keep their food from coming out one end- but certainly not the other.

I also bought some Gripe Water which I’ve never used before, but I’m willing to give it a try.  What I like about it is that since it’s not over the counter but a natural mix of ginger and fennel, it can be given as often as 6 times in 24 hours.  What I don’t like about it is that it needs to be refrigerated, so you can’t take it with you if you’re out and about.  In that case, colic tablets sound like a good choice- another thing I haven’t personally tried, but have heard mentioned.

*I attended a training a couple of months ago and when I sat near a familiar looking foster mom I recognized her as the woman who did respite care for me one day a couple years ago when I was sick. After talking to me at a break and making the connection she said-  “Oh. . . you're the one with the foster baby who barfed a lot.”  Not quite sure that’s how I want to be remembered in life, but Enough Said.

Did You Know Steve Jobs Was Adopted?

I thought I had a fairly good list in my mind of "Influential Adoptees" when I saw the following video for the first time on You Tube:

But I must have forgotten that Steve Jobs was on the list (and in the clip) until recently when I came across this blog, created by a former foster child, and I saw a post dedicated to famous people who were foster children or adopted.  Interesting.  It looks like Cher and Willie Nelson were fortunate to have family members who were able to step in and take care of them when their parents were unable to do so.

Rest in Peace, Steve Jobs.

Thank You for the contributions you've made to the world of technology.

Incidentally, while I was Googling a picture of Jobs for this post I came across Top 10 Things You Didn't Know about Apple's Co-Founder.  More interesting stuff, of course, but I cringed at the innapropriate adoption language they used in Fact #2:  "Steve Jobs' biological mother gave him up for adoption one week after giving birth." 

A GENTLE REMINDER:  Birth mothers don't "give up" their children, they place them!

http://college.studentsforlife.org/flyers/adoption-the-beginning-of-a-childs-future-2/

Rose

Earlier this week we got a call from DCFS about a two month old baby girl needing a home.  We said "yes" and a couple of hours later we were introduced to a beautiful, petite baby girl whom I will refer to as "Rose".  

It's been interesting to see the contrast of Rose's olive-colored skin next to our daughter's alabaster skin.  And she is an itty bitty thing- especially when I compare her teeny, tiny fingers to our daughter's "big" pre-school fingers (which, Thank Goodness, still have plenty of traces of kissable babyfat pudginess on them, desite the fact that she's growing up far too quickly)!

The good news/bad news about this placement is that like our last one, it will be more of an emergency placement [perhaps for a few weeks according to the caseworker's estimate when I pressed her to give us a timeframe] until Rose can be transferred to the care of some relatives who can pass their background checks and whose home passes inspection. 

Incidentally, this is our second placement where one or both of the birthparents are technically "homeless".  Living in a battered women's shelter is considered to be homeless by some judges, yet living in a homeless shelter is considered by other judges to be considered "adequate housing" for a child.  I mention this because I was at a training with other foster parents earlier this year and one of the foster parents shared their frustrations about foster children being returned to their birthparent's care despite the fact that the environment they are returning to is sub-standard and would never be able to pass the inspection, requirements, and scrutiny which a foster care provider's home is subject to.  The woman leading the training, who happens to be both a social worker who works with foster children as part of her career, as well as a former foster parent, reminded us all that what is legally required of birthparents is not quite at the same level of standards as what is required of us as foster parents.  She then related that in her work experience she once saw a foster child returned to their parent's care which happened to be in a homeless shelter.  Why?  Because it was, according to the judge, "adequate" she explained:  There was a roof overhead, a bed to sleep in, and meals were served on a regular basis.

It certainly begs the question:  What is considered "adequate" housing for a child?  I was surprised by that particular scenario of a foster child being returned to live in a homeless shelter, not necesariily because anything about the foster care system surprises me anymore, but mostly because of the fact that in most of my foster children's birthparent's Service Plans, the requirement set forth for their housing has almost always contained the word "permanent" or "stable" in front of the word "housing".  Thank goodness for homeless shelters and battered women's shelters-  I guess my point is that they are temporary housing and resources, but certainly not permanent . . . nobody is supposed to live in them forever.       

I'm hoping for Rose's sake, that her new home environment with her relatives is much MORE than just "adequate."